R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
