If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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