Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
