oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
