Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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