Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
