Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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