Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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