i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
