I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
