about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
