I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
