At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
