I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown a few things in my day
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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