just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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