I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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