hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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