gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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