if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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