DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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