it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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