Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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