Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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