and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
