His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
