I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
