hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
