Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All the doctor said was why
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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