So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
