I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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