a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think people are normalizing furries
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
