Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
