I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
