Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
