doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
