: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
