just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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