Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
