Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
