worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
