community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
