Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
