Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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