If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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