No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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