why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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