garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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