Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
