saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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