i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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