Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
