so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i dont even know how to be here
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
