Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
