I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
