Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
