Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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