people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
