The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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