dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize