i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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