I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
