she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
