Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I party with great urgency now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
