Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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