Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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