i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize