I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
