make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
