My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
