Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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